I lay there,
eyes wide open
not knowing what this feeling which hugs me
comes from – is it depression?
is it a momentary gloom?
or am I just bored?

all I know is that it’s dragging me to sleep
because nothing is good in the waking world
because this feeling would then disappear for something
because I would feel numb and number

I sleep till my eyes start hurting,
my throat parched but I don’t
have the will to drink the glass
of water at my bedside
my limbs – stiff,
doodles of the wrinkled sheets
marked prominently onto my skin

I don’t need to see myself in the mirror
to know my eyes are red, puffy,
a misery which doesn’t let them cry

I am happy one moment,
the next I’m hauled to darkness
I can’t see, I don’t know where it comes from!

I don’t know what is sadder,
knowing what makes my insides writhe in woe
or this unknown sadness looming in my heart.

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