//I loved you so much it turned me bitter.

Dear guilt,
I am walking, straight into the day,
loud, proud,
saying I know what I want to do
but as most of us, I am too,
sagging into the night
hoping today I don’t melt into the darkness
as we, the pretty night and sad me,
drink away our problems
chatter in the dark alleys of our heart,
get into fetal position,
cry, cry, cry some more.

Hoping, today, I don’t do the same mistake
of crying ugly into the night
but I did the same yesterday
and would probably do the same today.

I remember the goofy days I spent in love,
I feel like I have no right to speak about this love
the way… I chased him into the nights
Oh, him, me and our nights.

He had been my muse, alright!
I courted him, like a 16th century English poet
forgetting I’m a woman, forgetting who I am.
We could feel the ties crumbling
yet we chose to look ahead and smile.

Quarrels,
we fought all day, but never in the nights
in dusk we found our solace
our hearts, our egos melted in the dark furnace of lust
and we forgot our fights, our anguish, our identities in it

Summer was over long ago for us,
now spring came with terrible, regretful libido
much like an unbridled feral dominant
horse majestic only on their own

And when winter came,
all of our waters dried
it was a tremendous desert,
neither of us wanted to cross

And I couldn’t feel any love,
was it that easy to get over him
that I could no longer bear his presence,
could no longer bear to think of him?

I loved him so much it turned me bitter,
whom I once chased now I run like hell from,
I couldn’t love him anymore
or did I ever love him?

Was it just another fleeting daydream
I got caught so lost into, I forgot everything?
The moment I felt him, I knew this was doom
and I went on with it anyway.

Amidst all this, I’ve been cruel
putting him and us through all of this
we don’t regret the times we spent,
but I’m not cruel enough to drag this
on and on into our own miseries.


*existence

I am sorry, I’ve broken us so,
All I can do now is maybe,
forget, forgive and possibly heal.

//Probably loved too hard, too fast and so we crashed.

2 thoughts on “Dear Guilt”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *